Four weeks ago today Max died. It’s been a difficult few weeks, but I can feel the clouds beginning to lift.  With the Memorial this coming weekend, all the feelings may rush back in, but that will be temporary, and I can see glimpses of  light ahead.

The Memorial  reminds me of how important friends are. If it weren’t for Captain Tim of the Compass Rose, I’d be scrambling, at a time when I can barely move, to find a way to dispose of Max’s ashes.  Tim has been gracious enough to offer his yacht for Max’s service and the scattering of ashes. My sisters will be coming the farthest distance for this event and I can’t tell you how that touches my heart.  And all our kids will be taking the trek. Maybe I should have called this piece, “What friends and family are for.”

And I have been surrounded by loving and generous friends, who have held my hand, accompanied me to the cremation center and taken me out of town for a change of scenery.  Thank you all…you have been my life preservers when I have felt most like I was sinking.  Life is still hard. I finished the last round of edits on my new novel, River of Desire, and have sent it on its way to a couple of publishers. Now all I can do is sit and wait…and wonder. But I’ve been laid off from my main job, caretaker, and I’m still not sure what to do with all the available hours.  My kids want me to visit them in Santa Fe, and I’m arranging my “busy” schedule so I can drive there in September. It will take time, but this too will change, and some day soon I’ll be complaining again about being too busy. When that happens, please remind me to be grateful.